I’ve been a little discouraged lately that I’ve been focusing too much on things that I consider to be kind of trivial matters: my job, my car, my debt, etc. When what I really want to be focusing on is my spiritual growth. What I’ve come to in the past couple of months is that they can’t be separated.

When I took this job 3 years ago it was with the attitude that I was grounded. I had this debt that I needed to grow up and take care of and I decided that I wasn’t allowed to do anything else until I did that. I put myself in a position of confinement, physically. But nothing happens in a vacuum. Eventually my attitude about my physical situation translated across my intellect and my spirituality until my entire being felt stagnant. I lost the ambition to explore the universe and my place in it. I felt isolated and disconnected. Even my body began to deteriorate. I now weigh less than I did when I entered the 8th grade.

Everything I’ve done; everything I’ve become up until now seems so distant, as if it happened in another life. Now, for the first time in years, I feel awake. From something so seemingly trivial as a decision to quit my job (which hasn't happened yet) has sprung a rebirth of my entire being.

Beliefs are more than just ideas. They’re the pillars of our identity. Mine didn’t crumble or come crashing down, I just forgot that they were there. (I still can’t see what they’re holding up.) I know that I’m learning new things, but it feels like remembering; like I can remember what it feels like to be strong. I can affect change in my surroundings with my thoughts. I can bring coincidences to me.

Strength doesn’t always mean unbreakable. Sometimes strength is the ability to let break. The ability to realize that the very same forces that keep a thing protected also keeps a thing confined. For so long I took for granted the strength of my body. It is now teaching me powerful lessons. I am having to re-teach my body how to support it’s own weight. This lesson does not come without a certain amount of pain and doubt; feelings of instability. But the longer I dodge this long and painful process, the longer it will be before I can run. And what will it feel like to run when I know that I’ve earned it?

Body, mind and spirit are inseparable. My willingness to work at the rebuilding of my body will be my focus. My former body was built with blinders on. It was specialized; built for one purpose. I'm not only re-building my body, I'm re-training it. I'm teaching it patience, grace, flexibility, endurance. It will be less rigid; less one dimensional in it's abilities.

This is the 1 card; "The Magician". Mastering your surroundings. A lesson I am clearly still learning. This is the very beginning of the journey.

So, Tom was talking with his parents who are not only Fundamentalist Christians, they are Adventists (also sometimes referred to as Dooms Day Adventists). They voted for W.

Tom: Can you tell me why you voted for that guy?
Mom: Well, Tom, George W. Bush was sent by God to help bring about the end of the world.

Gosh, that’s… kinda hard to argue with. I mean I agree, but that’s why I DIDN’T vote for him. I guess if that’s what you want…. That’s easily the best, most valid, reason I’ve heard to vote for him.

And really, you have to give W some credit. I mean, he may be the only candidate in the history of the country to lock up the Dooms Day Adventist vote.