My horoscope today said that I might want to call in sick. The fact that I read my horoscope during my lunch hour while at work serves to illustrate one of the great many ironies that typify my life. Not that I put much stock in the daily astrological forecasting of the local rag, but on this particular day, I definitely would have taken heed… mostly because I scarcely need fate as an excuse to take the day off.

I’m back in school. Monday and Wednesday nights I drive up to the not so local community college to attend classes in AutoCAD. Here’s the story: My bosses (used car salesmen that they are) promised a bunch of clients that they had an “AutoCAD Department”, fully capable of producing 3-Dimensional shop drawings, when in reality, what they had was one person (that's me) who had taken a one week introductory seminar in AutoCAD and was now trying, with moderate success, to operate a watered-down 2-Dimensional version of it's glorious, and endlessly versitile namesake. So, much to my bosses’ surprise, a couple of the clients actually expected them to deliver on their promise.

Boss: Make it happen
Me: I can’t
Boss: Sure you can.
Me: Um, no, I can’t.
Boss: Why not?
Me: We don’t have the software, and even if we did, I don’t know how to use it.
Boss: We have AutoCAD
Me: We have AutoCAD LT
Boss: Make it happen
Me: whoow, whoow… BOP-BOP-BOP. Is this thing on? I’m not saying I can’t do it just to be difficult. What you are asking is actually not possible.
Boss: Well, we don’t really need it anyway.
Client: Where’s my drawings?
Boss: What do you need to get this done?
Me: A few things really: First, I need for you to have asked me that question 6 months ago!! I need the software, I need a computer that can handle the software without crashing the first time I hit save, I need an education, and if I’m going to make this deadline I need a goddamn miracle!
Boss: Here’s the computer. Here’s the software. I'm running a little short on miracles this week, so do the best you can. Oh and… how are those classes going? I'm gonna have to run that one by Accounting and see if we’re going to pay for that. I’ll also have to check and see if we’re going to be able to afford a raise for you this year.

Mm-kay.
Here’s a flight to New York for $187.
Here’s a Kelly Blue Book inquiry stating the resale value of my car.
Here’s a listing of apartments for rent in Brooklyn.
I'm running a little short on patience this week, so... Oh and... as for my continued employment here, I'll have to check with my next fortune cookie for help deciding on when to tell you to cram it!