I told you I was serious this time right?

A very nice woman named Donna who lives in my neighborhood just bought my car. We closed the deal right after I got home from my Tai Chi class. I cracked open a SlimFast and put a straw into it (not because I'm trying to lose weight but because my teeth are still very sensitive from the whitening this morning. I'm on a liquid diet until they recover which will hopefully be before Wed. when I get a new crown on my front tooth), then I waited for the phone to ring. The phone did ring, right on time, and Donna offered me exactly what I wanted. I thought for a second that I could probably talk her up a couple of hundred, but then I thought, "This is what I asked for. It would be bad Karma to get greedy now". So I took it.

Step one: check.

The Capricorn theme for 2004 was "Walking around with something hidden behind your back". I don't like that. It's true. Oh, it sure as hell is true all right... But I don't like it. I don't want to be that girl anymore. I want to just put stuff out there. See, a Capricorn is sure-footed by nature. We don't like to take a step until we're sure it's safe; it's solid ground. Zzzzzzzzz..... That sucks. Aren't the consequences for not doing a thing far greater than the consequences for doing them? Failure sucks. No doubt. Uncertainty as to whether or not you would have failed?... Far worse. Faaaarr worse. So! I just sold the only thing of value that I own! All I have to worry about is putting a little kibble in my dog's bowl. That's all! This is the perfect time to JUMP!! Try something really wacky just to see if it pans out. I'm keeping my eyes peeled for just such an adventure.

Something inside said “Now. … Right now!” Then the horoscope said “opportunities are coming your way” and then the headline read “10 things to do at work when you hate your job”. By this time next week there will be a For Sale sign on my car. Hopefully soon after that I will have a check in hand that will all but eliminate my debt. If all goes well I will be able to save enough money by January to take myself to Europe to celebrate (without using my credit card). Early Spring will see me in a finished wood shop splitting my afternoons between making furniture for myself and attending T’ai Chi classes… oh and playing soccer again after these next 6 months in a gym (that I haven’t found yet. Hey, I just started this plan this morning. Give me a break).

One of the 10 things I can do at work is make a schedule of tasks. Baby steps that I can take to get to my goal. Do just one or two of those tasks per day and you will feel like you are making progress and not just spinning you wheels. Today I arranged to have the windshields replaced in both of my cars, oil changed, brakes checked. Just need to find a good deal on a detailing service and the car will be ready for sale.

My life has been in idle for so long my brain followed. I have recently caught myself in conversations being totally uninteresting. I have trouble paying attention and when I do, it’s all I can do. Can’t think of meaningful responses and listen at the same time the way I used to. Bla. Cannot go on like this.

I'm now paying attention to opportunities. Used to ignore them because I was grounded. Had to stay here until I took care of my shit. Now I'm paying attention. There are job opportunities. There are classes. There are places to go and people to catch up with. I'm determined to make constant progress, but I won't just jump on anything. The point here is to move myself into a better place, not another version of the same rut. The opportunities are exciting. Terrifying. Exciting. Each is another feather in my brand new set of wings.

I used to write poetry. I don't do that anymore.

Way back when this all began T said, "That one's probably gonna break your heart". I said, "I don't care. Its already worth it." She didn't break my heart. It has been worth it and will continue to be. Friends it is then.